Wednesday, June 23, 2010

diamond in the rough

Recently I changed the title of my blog. I knew my previous title was not quite as fitting, but each time I tried to decide on a new one - I went blank. Until it just sort of came to me.

I have 2 specific bible verses that are particularly important to me. Ephesians 5:8 is more or less my "life verse." I guess you could say that it just sort of speaks to me every time I read it. It points a heavenly finger in my direction and beckons me to redirect my focus. "You were once children of the darkness. Now, you are children of the Light. So live as children of the light."

But really and truly, being a lady after God's own heart (sometimes a stumbling one at that), the Proverbs 31 woman has always been an important theme in my life. It took me a while to realize 2 things. This virtuous woman was recorded as an idea of a son's mother. This would make her the "mother-in-law." Secondly, hand in hand an equally important notion, this woman is not real. I repeat, this actual woman never has and (in her entirety) never will. This is a woman who God wanted us to envision as ourselves. Displayed with all His might. An example to what we can model our very life after. Thus, being from God, an impossible feat until we are perfected in His Glory. Unfortunately this can leave us feeling overwhelmed with the relentless responsibility of being "perfect." That is exactly what the bondage of this world wants us to feel. Flawed, incompetent, lazy, unworthy, unloved, unfit...the list goes dreadfully on and on. BUT GOD! The LORD our father wants us to know that we are his treasure. We were lost and condemned - we were all these awful things listed before, but God came and cleaned us and gave a purpose...and ALL FOR HIS GLORY! All of this that we can aspire to be, all of these mighty attributes of Proverbs 31 are all worthy to be sought after for His name's sake. Wow. Not for us, not for our husbands, or children, friends, neighbors, girlfriends, coworkers...no one but for the LORD Almighty.

Now, more specific than any verse in Proverbs 31, I especially love and have themed my blog after Proverbs 31:30. "Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised." WOW, this statement alone refutes every single lie that we as women tend to believe.

Charm is deceptive: oh how draining is it to constantly try to be charming. An outdated notion to some, but regardless a revolving cycle that most women are aching for. When we go out of our way to please and entertain and impress those around us we can be left with an unfulfilled depleted heart and mind. We will always come up short. This is why charm is deceptive...it is at the peak of our failed attempt to satisfy our own unattainable standards - we have done nothing but fooled ourselves. We are great pretenders, us women. This is a stronghold we must break out of. Only when we abide in Him and He in us can we be competent to behold any task at hand worth eternal value (John 15)

Beauty is fleeting. It does not make one tiny spec of eternal difference if we have what the world qualifies as pretty. You wouldn't know this based on how much of the church responds to physical beauty. Any kind of visual attributes: the way we dress, decorate our sanctuaries, buy our cars etc. WE are a visually stimulated people. How I beg for God to take away from my eyes the delight in worldly beauty and replace it with a heavenly one that sees the world Jesus does. Why do you think there are so many books in the Christian bookstores about laying down our self-conscious nature. I can think of several current songs that play on the local christian radio station about finding inner beauty in the fact that God has created us to be exactly what he meant for us to be. Why do you think that the Christian entertainment world is pushing this theme? Could it be because that we are in desperate need of scriptural truth pointing us in the direction of who we are in the sight of the LORD - a renewed creature who is covered by the precious blood of Jesus. We have been washed and cleaned from the inside out. WE are beautiful in God's eyes. What a savior! But the world is CONSTANTLY pushing into this lie telling us that we don't measure up. That we must do whatever it takes to drink from the proverbial cup of everlasting youth. Cut and trim that, implant this, color that, lose this, add this, wear that, eat this, don't eat that...blah blah blah. Who decides what is right and true for us? Tell me, Who commands your destiny? Say, Who is preparing a home for us? Who is it that has a plan for us? Who is it that even the rocks will cry out to? Who is the Famous One? When will we come to the conclusion that there is One who has the throne in our life to lead us, guide us and direct us. No other is LORD of our life. Not even us, by our own standard. Let us shut out the notions that this world sets for us to follow. Woe is me when I fall victim to the malice that this world presents to me in the form of so-called beauty. It isn't beauty, what they say...it is bondage. And we are to live free from it every day.

The woman who fears the LORD is to be praised: well, when we put aside all that the world tries to cloud our judgment with - we start to see the big picture. To fear the LORD in all we do and to step out of the way and allow Him to be Ruler of our hearts, we will see a dramatic shift in the condition of our hearts. We have a joy and a hope that we never knew possible. We have a grace here. We have an amazing grace story that can change the world we live in. WE can show the beauty of Jesus, rather than the neverlast petty self-righteous standards of this world.

Oh the beauty in stepping aside from all attempts for charm and so called beauty. Let's just praise HIM and we will see true delight realized in our very life...

From The Inside Out - Hillsong United
A thousand times I've failed
Still your mercy remains
And should I stumble again
Still I'm caught in your grace

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame

My heart and my soul, I give You control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise, become my embrace
To love You from the inside out

Your will above all else, my purpose remains
The art of losing myself in bringing you praise

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame

My heart, my soul, Lord I give you control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise become my embrace
To love You from the inside out

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart is to bring You praise
From the inside out, O my soul cries out

My Soul cries out to You
My Soul cries out to You
to You, to You

My heart, my soul, Lord I give you control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise become my embrace
To love You from the inside out

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart is to bring You praise
From the inside out, O my soul cries out

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart is to bring You praise
From the inside out, O my soul cries out
From the inside out, O my soul cries out
From the inside out, O my soul cries out.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

testimony

so last night i was very blessed to listen to one of my very dear friends give her testimony.

let me tell you a little about this friendship. we went to highschool together. the guys we dated, and ended up marrying have been best friends since they were little children. BUT we never even had the smallest conversation until the day she got a job at snider's pharmacy with me! we immediately became very close friends, enjoying every opportunity to trade long stories and ideas along with our own personal accounts of what the LORD was doing in our life. we realized that we had such similar personalities - it seemed crazy that we had never really known each other.

we quickly deemed ourselves as the "work wives."

then suddenly she decided that the time had come for her to leave this job that had wonderfully brought us together. she was leaving me. sadness.

we have done a pretty great jobs of maintaining our WWFL mantra (work wives for life!) we text and call and facebook as often as we can. i really knew in my heart that even though i would not have her on the daily basis that i had become accustomed to - we would always be great friends. God doesn't put people like that in your life when you need it the most for no reason.

back to the blogic (blog topic)...

she is involved in a wonderful summer college ministry at one of the local churches. she has been working with other local friends/believers/Christ activists on really getting this area on the move for spreading God's Grace and Mercy to EVERYONE. this girl's heart is on fire. and i love it!

she texted me last night to share her anxiety about her upcoming testimony she was to give to her group. i had faith that God would embellish her mouth with wise words of His Power and Love and ability to be our MIGHTY GOD.

i wouldn't have missed this for the world. she is more important to me than she might have realized and i wanted to share this moment with her and the other folks there.

half-way through her spiel tear started streaming and she lost her composure. (this is an awesome way of showing how overwhelming God's LOVE makes us feel). the next words out of her mouth were, "this year i left my job..." then her eyes diverted to me and i suddenly new where this was headed. she then proceeded to almost intimately thank me for being such an instrument in her life. encouraging and pushing her to own her own faith. i was moved beyond words.

when had this supposed relationship evolved. i knew our friendship was based on Christ - something that i am most grateful for. but i never realized just how impactful my life had been on hers.

all i can say is - wow. what a wonderful thing for Jesus Christ to be exalted through a couple of simple girls relationship. i'm so thankful. i'm thankful for the lesson of a testimony. they're powerful and necessary. wonder if your life makes such an impact on another's life testimony. is there anything you would do differently. to HIM be the Glory and Honor.

Tuesday, June 08, 2010

Growing Up Some More

i have come to the realization lately that i am too dependant on my husband. i count on him to fix something in the house if it breaks, lift heavy items for me, fix my car, open tight lids on jars, remove hot and heavy items from the oven, allow me to be the passenger in the car, buy me things, make money to pay bills, pump my gas, take me out to eat, be my date when i want to see a movie, listen to me complain, tell me funny jokes to make me smile, watch tv with and just be my best friend and partner in life.

i now know that there are some people that do not have this person in their life to fill most of these above voids. single people mainly. i have developed a new respect for these brave and mighty souls. it is a lot of work to be alone.

my husband works/schools all day just about every day. while we do have some precious time together, i am noticing the majority of the time that we do not spend together. i am realizing that i spend most of my time by myself. and now, i find myself growing in this time - more than ever in my life.

i am learning things about myself and making decisions for myself and finding new ways to accomplish hard tasks all by myself.

i am choosing what i will and will not do with my time. i am forming new opinions about what i do and do not like.

i sound like a newly graduated highschool student that is just now getting out in the real world. if i think about it, that is sort of where i am in life right now. i have spent my life, up until now, spending each moment of every day with someone. i married almost immediately after graduating highschool and lived at home in between that time frame.

i miss my husband very much every day that he is at work or school or rotations. but i am beginning to value this time as an important aspect of us each developing ourselves a little more independant of one another. i really hope and pray that this leads to a stronger relationship. one that causes me to really value my husband and not just think of him as convenient. i never know when/if it might be God's will to take him.

i think this time has more than anything caused me to do some serious growing up in my faith. i have spent countless nights awake with my LORD. finding amazing things in His scripture that i might have missed at that exact moment had i been lying in my bed asleep next to my husband. i have learned the value of my prayer life. the time that i spend in utter adoration of my King. spending time praying for my husband and about our relationship.

yes, this time will be hard. but it will be good. it will allow me some time to grow. and growing may sometimes be painful...but it is necessary.