lonely

More times that not, if you ask someone what they are most genuinely afraid of, they will tell you that they are afraid of being alone.

Alone. One is the loneliest number. All by myself. Me, myself and I. How many ways can we describe the pathetic-ness of being alone?


I come from a pretty big family. Most would consider being one of five children would make a big family. My dad comes from a family of 8 brothers and sisters. And don't even get me started on my maternal grandmother's side of the family. SO - I guess you could say I am very accustomed to not being lonely. I have ALWAYS had someone to talk with and someone to "play" with.


Now, that my wonderful husband has realized his calling for life right now being a paramedic(some sort of medical field thing - more on that later) it has left much alone time for me. With all the school, and work (24, sometimes longer, shifts) and other things pertaining to this venture - I can honestly say that I have started to feel the bitter sting of loneliness for the first time in my life. Yes, I realize that the loneliness I am experiencing is MUCH different from that of others. There is the widow/er, single, abandoned, orphan among many other truly destitute seasons of life that many have to suffer through.


Josh is great at just about EVERYTHING he does. When he sets his mind up, he accomplishes. Just a matter of fact. First it was Fire Fighting (funny because I am ultra-terrified of fire), then it was Emergency Rescue in general (thus his venture to become an EMT Basic), then - we finally got a job with a paramedic company (yay, getting paid for what you do is way better than volunteering...just a fact)!!! Now, while he is still working every 3rd day (24 hour shifts) for Regional Paramedic Service, he is going to school another day, and yet that other day ( in the 3 day block ) he is either off ( this is my favorite option ), picking up other shifts, studying, or sleeping. Now that we have those details clear...


The first time I spent the night alone I thought, hmm...what to do what to do? I did some laundry. I watched some tv. Then I went to bed extremely early.

I have officially decided that I dislike being at home by myself. Well, really I just don't like being at home without Josh. Even worse, when Josh is at work I don't like going anywhere ( I don't know why) - so I normally just end up being stuck at home bored and alone. perfect.

I need a hobby. I guess this will be blogging. and laundry. and going to be too early.

I can just see a post in the want-ads. Lonely married Christian woman seeks some rich guy... to give her lots of money so her husband can stay home with her.

I know that Josh would never agree to that even if we did win the lottery. He loves to work so much. How is that even possible. I don't exactly want to sit at home all day, but I would deffinitely choose a lot of other things over working. sometimes.

Now I am just whining.