let the sun set

i can feel it. a pressure. a fear. a sinking pit-like feeling. alone. blue. i'm trying to find a word for it. but it's just simply this. it's untitled. but it's here. something so burdensom. something so heavy. i'm running. i'm still. i'm breathing. i'm crying. i'm quiet. i'm listening. i hear it. i'm ashamed of it. i'm stuck. i'm holding a death grip on it. bondage. it's holding a death grip on me. stained. hostaged. despair. i can't see the words that are here to comfort me past the tears that are welling. i can't hear what you are saying through the muffled air of doubt. but there is a muted moment that i can't hold on to. i'm desperate.

and then something grasps me. it's a melody. it's your glory. your presence. it's your love. it's your freedom, your name. your forgiveness, your justice. your power, your providence. holiness. affirmation. miracles. atonement. fullfilled promise. i hear your presence calling me to lay it down. give it to me, you say. you say words to my heart that my thoughts cannot know. you say: do not be ashamed. i love you. you are forgiven daughter. you are forgiven. you are forgiven. you are forgiven. give me the lies, the secrets, the sins, the dispair. you piece the broken chips of my heart back together. your name alone rescues my soul. images fill my mind of my regrets. you replace it with a picture of a sunset. you set the sun over all my guilt, shame and life in death. You raise me up with your holy name. it's hard to remember this, but you don't seem to mind reminding me as often as it takes. you will wake me up each morning with your word. you will cover my lies with your truth. you will cover my failures with your success. my death with your life. my name with yours. my scars with your image. my dispair with your hope. my stains with your blood. my wrong with your right. my imperfection with your spotless perfection. my depravity with your sovereignity. my loss with your wholeness. my old with your renewal.

i hear you say: daughter, let it go. be reconciled to me and release your past. forget about being tempted for a fate unknown. i'm here to give you my love. i'm here to free you from a cage. like a bird, who was once caged...you are now free.

symphony by chris taylor

I'm in the mood for a breakdown
A slowing down of all the things in my mind
That keep on trying to figure out how to pin you down

In desperate need of a shakedown
A blowing down of all the ways that I try
To talk you into a corner until you look like me

But when I finally see what you see
There's a symphony
I hear a symphony

Words cannot define
What it means to be in your symphony
In your symphony

A long awaited let down
A burning through that's calling me back to you
With a beautiful melody of all you love

It's welling deep inside of me,
It's springing out, the song that I'm meant to sing
So teach me the harmony to all you love

Hearts in unison
I'm drawn into your love
Hearts in unison
I understand your love

a cup that overflows

Shame came to mind when I realized the other day that some days I wake up on the wrong side of the bed. Ok, many days I do this. I am just not a morning person. I generally am not fully awake and ready to do anything until around 8am. This can sometimes pose problems in my schedule.

It is not ideal for me to be this way, honest! I would love to be one of those people that wake up bright and early at the crack of dawn - just ridiculously happy to be awake and alive. Sometimes I think I could be the kind that wakes up at 5:30...ok, 6am, and starts brewing the coffee, work out some pilates, greet the sunrise and spend time with the Master all before I have to get going for the day.
This is all in my ideal world. I know that it would leave me feeling more energized and awake, plus, I would be more open minded for the rest of the day, more focused on the tasks at hand.

Regardless of what time I wake up in the morning (thankfully and, both, foolishly assuming that I will...)is irrelevant to God. He just wants my time, MORNING, NOON and NIGHT. He wants to bless me abundantly with His presence in my life. For this, I am thankful and undeserving. It just astounds me to know that God of all creation wants to spend quality time with me. No matter how many times I say it, I will repeat in constant praise and adoration that HE is a Wonderful Savior. Hallelujah!

So, this will not necessarily be a "new year's resolution" as much as it will be a daily resolution (because it will be a DAILY choice). I hereby, being of sound spiritual mind (at the moment anyway), determine and promise to make the most effort of my ability to wake each morning (regardless of what time) and have a set apart time to devote to meditating on Him. This should be separate from my daily Bible studying - or even my prayer request time. No, this time is just for simply sitting in utter adoration of Him and who He is. Colossians 1:16 says, "For all things were created by God. These things in heaven and earth were created for Him and by Him." Wow, this means that they were not created by or for me. So, I need to quit saying thank you for the sunrise and start saying thank you for creating the sunrise and inviting me to see your wonders. Thank you God, for including me in your creation. For involving me in your plans. For being as vast and unknowable that all I can do is sit in ridiculous AWE struck wonder over your majesty.

My words can't compare to what God is. I can't compare to what God is. All I can be is thankful. All I can do is give Him the praise that He deserves and desires.

For this opportunity I wake up each morning and know that He has chosen to share His mighty presence to my existence. He chooses to give me a cup that OVERFLOWS with love for Him.

From this understanding we are granted a component of faith. This is JOY. Understanding that we are to be in constant exaltation of His presence is what gives us JOY - and not just Joy, I'm talking so much Joy people think you are crazy. This kind is what spills over (the image of a cup that overflows..) It is infectious at it's best and still obvious at it's worst (if there is a low point of Joy). This overabundance of what enables us to share, love, give, care, tithe, donate, serve, testify, believe, hope, endure, sacrifice...

Somehow, this topic just leads me to Psalm 23. And a Sunday School lesson I have experienced.

Verse 1: The Lord is my shepherd, I Shall not want. - This means I have enough trust in Him to provide me with what I don't even realize I don't deserve.

Verse 2: He makes me to lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside the still waters. - I can fully rely on Him to calm every ounce of resistance inside of me. I KNOW that he will abate my fears and anxiety and call me to rest in Him.

Verse 3: He restores my soul; He leads me in the paths of righteousness
For His name’s sake. - He clean all the junk and the funk out of my mind, heart and soul. Because He calls me His daughter HE wipes away the miry clay that I continually and foolishly make my bed and He puts me back on the right track. Everyday.

Verse 4: Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil: For You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me. - Ok, this is a big one...don't miss it. I walk through the valley of the shadow of death. And so do you. We all do, we are all dying. We live in dying bodies. We roam a dying earth. And thank God he will restore His Bride one day. BUT until then. We are to acknowledge death and face it. Kind Solomon told us that it is better to be among the mourners than the living happy folk. He says that we should understand death and face it. This is how we understand the vaporous quality of our life. Now, with this being said - death is a scary thing, it is the unknown. But really it isn't...we just established that we walk through it every day. So fear NO evil. HE IS WITH US!!! He has power and dominion that even the enemy cannot stand up against. He slams His gravel-like staff in the face of death. Why? He shows His almighty power over us and His ability to protect us from the valley of the shadow of death.

Verse 5: You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; You anoint my head with oil; My cup runs over. - Wow, He wants us to be the guest of honor? How thoughtful, really. Think of when you have guests come visit. You pull out all the stops. They get the best of everything: bathroom towels, bed-sheets, fluffy pillows, the best dishes, etc. The Maker of Heaven and Earth wants to know that regardless of what our enemies throw at us - He has a special place (with all the best of the best) prepared for us to seek His presence and shelter. He gives us His finest. He gives us enough of what we need, more than enough. The least we can do is Honor Him with everything we have in us. The very least.

6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life; And I will dwell in the house of the LORD Forever. - All for the glory of Jesus, we will be surrounded with goodness and mercy. He wants us to bring Him glory. This is where we find goodness and mercy. Oh, to see His goodness and mercies that are new each morning - it sometimes makes me feel like Isaiah...I am a person of unclean lips and not worthy of such a good God. I am thankful to this good God that we are promised a dwelling place in His love and presence forever. God is good, all the time.

Hallelujah, what a savior.

I want to leave you with a simple definition of JOY.
--the emotion of great delight or happiness caused by something exceptionally good or satisfying; keen pleasure; elation.--

Remember, that the source of this Joy thing is our Heavenly Father. He is Jehovah-Jireh: the LORD that provides enough for each day. He provides us this Joy. It is found in Him. Each day start out asking the LORD to be your Jehovah-Jireh. He wants us to receive a cup that overflows with the Joy of the Lord.